The formal introduction. 

The Beginning

    ¹ In the beginning dandiwer created the heavens and the earth.

    ² Now the earth was ^[a] formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of dandiwer was hovering over the waters.

    ³ And dandiwer said, "Let there be light," and there was light. ⁴ dandiwer knew that light would come in handy when building massive interstates that will eventually pollute the world, and He separated the light from the darkness. ⁵ dandiwer called the light "the period to sober from extreme alcohol poisoning," and the darkness he called "the period of total sodomy." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

    ⁶ And dandiwer said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." ⁷ So dandiwer made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. ⁸ dandiwer called the expanse "air line route 3-95b." And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

    ⁹ And dandiwer said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. ¹⁰ dandiwer called the dry ground "3rd world pre-developments and whore houses," and the gathered waters he called "a complete waste of cultivation." And dandiwer saw that it was decent.

    ¹¹ Then dandiwer said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants to help human reach maximum intoxication and trees on the land that bear poisonous fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. ¹² The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And dandiwer saw that it was good. ¹³ And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day, nothing was really accomplished.

    ¹⁴ And dandiwer said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, of coarse I should have reconsidered now... ¹⁵ and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. ¹⁶ dandiwer made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars ( they are really pinholes to a parallel dimension gamma number 2345900-can tros xb4.) ¹⁷ dandiwer set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, ¹⁸ to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And dandiwer saw that it was good. ¹⁹ And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

    ²⁰ And dandiwer said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." ²¹ So dandiwer created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And dandiwer saw that it was good. ²² dandiwer blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." (This part is all about fucking) ²³ And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day

There was no six day.   I took pictures instead.